Date Night

Sheila Wadsworth

“Love is friendship set on fire.” ~ Jeremy Taylor This is one of my favourite love quotes but I now question if Mr.Taylor had children when he wrote it. My husband and I have a fifteen month old with another one the way and the only fire we feel most nights is the burning desire to get to bed and ….sleep!!

If there is a couple who hasn’t felt a shift in their romantic life or even just in their husband-wife relationship after welcoming their bundle of joy into their home, they deserve the couple of the century award.

Of course babies bring such joy to everyone’s life but by the same token, it sometimes feels like their mission in their initial months with us is to test the marriage.
Sometimes I would look at my son and it was like he was saying “Okay, I’m here and it’s all about me now and well the two of you have had your whole lives to worry about yourselves but now that is all about to change – suck it up.”

Don’t get me wrong, we love our son as much as any parent loves their child and would never turn the clock back (except maybe to get a bit more sleep). But let’s face it, some days feel like there is more baby talk than adult talk, more sleepless nights than peaceful ones and simply put, more challenges than joy. Luckily for most of us, the good days outweigh the bad but that’s often hard to remember when you’re in the midst of a bad one.

Now having said all this, couples can’t take the back seat to their marriage AC (after children). They say marriage takes work but this holds true even more so with children. We have a simple cure that may not fire up a ton of romance but will at least allow couples to stay connected and remember that BC (before children), there was a marriage and that marriage needs to be nurtured AC.

The cure: date nights. Granted, it’s an effort to organize them (spontaneity is a thing of the past), it takes some money (remember the DINK days?) and of course the desire to actually want to leave your sofa (a cherished piece of furniture after baby goes down). My husband and I made a commitment before even trying to have children that we would go on one date night a month – it’s not much but we knew that was a plan we could stick to. Each month one of us plans the night and surprises the other person. It can be anything from a walk in the park followed by a cup of java and dessert to a fancy dinner and a movie or a night out at the theatre. Anything goes as long as it’s just the two of us. We also make a point not to talk about our son that evening. That’s a hard one because we all love to talk about our children. But, my husband and I are afraid that if the only conversations we have are about our kids that when they leave the house some day, we’ll look at each other and say ‘who are you?”

Date nights have allowed us to remain connected as husband and wife. We’ve made some mistakes as parents in the small amount of time our son’s been with us but one thing we’re proud of is that although our relationship has changed, we still love our time alone as a couple and we hope THAT never changes.