Living Life with A Major Fusspot ~ Tips for Dealing with A High-Needs Baby

Joyce Ho

Does your baby cry the minute you put them down? You’ve fed them, changed them, played with them and it’s still not enough! Do you find yourself holding them while they sleep because they can’t fall asleep on their own like other babies? What about when you want to take a shower or get a glass or water? Do they freak out the minute you put them down even if you’re literally 2 feet away?

No matter what accessories you have or what you’ve tried, all they want is mommy and no one else. If you’ve nodded your head yes so far, then chances are you have a high-needs baby. I’m not a medical expert, but simply a mom who’s experiencing the same things you are.

As a first-time parent I was clueless as to the types of challenges that were ahead of me. I read all the different magazines and books on parenting thinking I was prepared for parenthood. Boy was I wrong! You hear of those babies who absolutely love the car seat and can sit in the bouncer for hours. Not in my case! It was quite the opposite. My daughter always clung to me, never letting anyone hold her including daddy. Even worse, all our baby accessories were literally untouched! We might as well have been joined at the hip! Everywhere I went, I had to carry her along or else she’d freak the minute I put her down. I felt like I got duped. How come everyone else’s baby was normal except mine? I was getting up every two to three hours in the night, sometimes even every 20 minutes just to nurse. I started feeling like I was doing something wrong or I just wasn’t a good mom. For all you moms out there going through this, the truth is, you are not doing anything wrong. These kids are simply high-strung and know exactly what they want. It’s a tough road, but we just have to learn to accept it and find ways to deal with it. So here are some of my survival tips:

1. Do What Works For You
Everyone has a different parenting style and every child is different. There’s nothing more annoying than unwanted parenting advice from others. It’s nice that others want to help by offering advice, but only you know what works best for you and your child.

2. Get to Know Your Baby
Brace yourself and get ready for the ride of your life! High-needs babies are more sensitive to discomfort, so learn what it is that is makes them feel uncomfortable and remove them from it. If they don’t like the stroller, then try something else that works! I find that high-needs babies do not enjoy car rides, so this is a tricky one. Things that have worked for me in the car:

• Sitting in the back seat and letting someone else drive. (Note: I still do this!) Unfortunately, not everyone has this luxury. I’ve found that riding the bus works too.
• Waiting till my daughter fell asleep before putting her in the car seat.
• Musical toys
• As controversial as it is: a portable DVD player!

3. Make the Most Out Of Your Free Time
High-needs babies tend to have very short naps and unpredictable sleeping patterns, which can be very frustrating especially when there’s so much work to get done! So what do you do when there’s so much to do and so little time? ASK FOR HELP! Take advantage of any help you can get. If you’re a clean freak like I am, you’re just going to have to learn to deal with the mess and clean it when you have time (i.e. during the baby’s nap). For some parents unlike myself, the sling works if you’re trying to get chores done while holding your baby.

4. Get Your Beauty Sleep
It’s not called beauty sleep for nothing! As hard as it is with so much to do around the house, the best thing is to sleep whenever you can. I should have bit my tongue when I said I wasn’t going to sleep with my child, but it actually helps and makes getting some shut-eye easier. High-need babies need that extra security and comfort, so if sleeping with you in your bed works and it doesn’t bother you, DO IT!

5. Stop Comparing!
Why can’t my baby be like that? Take 3 hour naps? Sit in the bouncer and be content? I bet you’ve had those thoughts at least a few times. I know I have! The truth is there’s nothing wrong with your child. They just require more attention than the average child. Thus, they are not “bad”. In fact, you should be thankful that high-need babies can articulate what they want or better yet, don’t want. Remember that every child is different!! What your child lacks, they make up for in other ways. The worst thing you can do is compare your child to another. It’ll only make it harder for you to cope with his/her personality.

7. Patience Is a Virtue
Even I am still learning to be patient. After all, we are only human. You can’t change other people or yourself overnight. I would have to say, patience is one of the hardest things to learn. High-needs babies tend to be impatient and get frustrated more easily.

I’ve come to the conclusion that having a high-needs baby is like being on Survivor: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast. I can’t count the number of times I wanted to rip my hair out or run my head through the wall! And the worst part, is expecting it to change or go away as your child gets older. The truth is, it’s not something they grow out of…this is just how they are. It doesn’t matter what you need to do or how much caffeine you need to pump into your system. You need to do whatever it takes to have patience and acceptance. After all, this moment of “I need mommy” won’t last forever…so enjoy it while you can.